Absurdity in the Quran 3
"Who enjoineth almsgiving and kindness and peace-making ... We shall bestow ... a vast reward."
It is good to help the poor and make peace. (But the part about Allah giving you a big reward for doing so is a big lie.) 4:114
Don't cut cattle's ears and, thereby, change Allah's creation. (This is interpreted to mean that Muslim men must not shave their beards, and Muslim women must not pluck their eyebrows.) Allah commands non-Muslims to shave beards and pluck eyebrows so he can have an excuse to burn them in hell after they die. 4:119-121
Allah will not allow disbelievers to succeed against believers. 4:141
Jesus was not crucified. (It just looked like he was.) 4:157-8
What not to eat: roadkill, blood, pigs, animals sacrificed to gods other than Allah, animals that were strangled, beat to death, jumped of a cliff, fell from the sky, or were killed by other animals. 5:3
"I perfected your religion for you ... and have chosen for you as religion al-Islam." 5:3
When it's time to pray and you have just used the toilet or touched a woman, be sure to wash up. If you can't find any water, just rub some dirt on yourself. 5:6
Jesus has a conversation with a godly unclean spirit named "Legion." 5:8-10
"O People of the Scripture! Now hath Our messenger come unto you, expounding unto you much of that which ye used to hide in the Scripture."
Muhammad, who was illiterate and who had never read the Hebrew and Christian scriptures, offers to explain the scriptures to Christians and Jews, who he claims hide and distort the true meaning of their scriptures. 5:8-15
Christians are disbelievers for believing in the divinity of Christ. 5:17
The Quran repeats the silly story about Cain and Abel (though they are unnamed in the Quran). 5:27-31
"Allah sent a raven scratching up the ground, to show him how to hide his brother's naked corpse." 5:31
Allah has turned some Christians and Jews into apes and swine. 5:60
Allah warns believers not to ask to many questions. (Honest answers will cause them to lose their faith.) 5:101
Jesus made a bird out of clay that flew away when he blew on it. 5:110
The disciples of Jesus were muslims! 5:111
Jesus' disciples ask Jesus to send a table of food down from heaven. And he delivers! 5:112-114
After agreeing to send down a table of food from heaven, Jesus warns his disciples that will catch holy hell if they ever stop believing. 5:115
The Christian Trinity is the Father, Mother, and Son. 5:116
"See they not how many a generation We destroyed?"
How could they (or anyone else who wasn't there) see Allah destroy previous generations? 6:6
True enough. There isn't a book, prophet, or angel that would have caused skeptics to believe the foolish things in Islam or Christianity. 6:7-9
Pets are people, too! 6:38
Allah guided Noah, David, Elisha, and Lot on a good and righteous path. 6:84-87
Allah created the jinn but he is not in partnership with them. 6:100
Allah appointed jinns to be the adversaries of prophets. 6:112
Jinns have led many humans astray. 6:128
The jinn were disbelievers. 6:130
"And of the cattle (He produceth) some for burdens, some for food. Eat of that which Allah hath bestowed upon you, and follow not the footsteps of the devil."
The devil is a vegetarian. Kill and eat lots of animals so you won't be like him. 6:142
Allah commanded the angels to worship Adam. They all did except for Iblis. 7:11
Adam and his nameles wife (Eve?) didn't know they were naked until they ate from the tree. 7:22
"Who enjoineth almsgiving and kindness and peace-making ... We shall bestow ... a vast reward."
It is good to help the poor and make peace. (But the part about Allah giving you a big reward for doing so is a big lie.) 4:114
Don't cut cattle's ears and, thereby, change Allah's creation. (This is interpreted to mean that Muslim men must not shave their beards, and Muslim women must not pluck their eyebrows.) Allah commands non-Muslims to shave beards and pluck eyebrows so he can have an excuse to burn them in hell after they die. 4:119-121
Allah will not allow disbelievers to succeed against believers. 4:141
Jesus was not crucified. (It just looked like he was.) 4:157-8
What not to eat: roadkill, blood, pigs, animals sacrificed to gods other than Allah, animals that were strangled, beat to death, jumped of a cliff, fell from the sky, or were killed by other animals. 5:3
"I perfected your religion for you ... and have chosen for you as religion al-Islam." 5:3
When it's time to pray and you have just used the toilet or touched a woman, be sure to wash up. If you can't find any water, just rub some dirt on yourself. 5:6
Jesus has a conversation with a godly unclean spirit named "Legion." 5:8-10
"O People of the Scripture! Now hath Our messenger come unto you, expounding unto you much of that which ye used to hide in the Scripture."
Muhammad, who was illiterate and who had never read the Hebrew and Christian scriptures, offers to explain the scriptures to Christians and Jews, who he claims hide and distort the true meaning of their scriptures. 5:8-15
Christians are disbelievers for believing in the divinity of Christ. 5:17
The Quran repeats the silly story about Cain and Abel (though they are unnamed in the Quran). 5:27-31
"Allah sent a raven scratching up the ground, to show him how to hide his brother's naked corpse." 5:31
Allah has turned some Christians and Jews into apes and swine. 5:60
Allah warns believers not to ask to many questions. (Honest answers will cause them to lose their faith.) 5:101
Jesus made a bird out of clay that flew away when he blew on it. 5:110
The disciples of Jesus were muslims! 5:111
Jesus' disciples ask Jesus to send a table of food down from heaven. And he delivers! 5:112-114
After agreeing to send down a table of food from heaven, Jesus warns his disciples that will catch holy hell if they ever stop believing. 5:115
The Christian Trinity is the Father, Mother, and Son. 5:116
"See they not how many a generation We destroyed?"
How could they (or anyone else who wasn't there) see Allah destroy previous generations? 6:6
True enough. There isn't a book, prophet, or angel that would have caused skeptics to believe the foolish things in Islam or Christianity. 6:7-9
Pets are people, too! 6:38
Allah guided Noah, David, Elisha, and Lot on a good and righteous path. 6:84-87
Allah created the jinn but he is not in partnership with them. 6:100
Allah appointed jinns to be the adversaries of prophets. 6:112
Jinns have led many humans astray. 6:128
The jinn were disbelievers. 6:130
"And of the cattle (He produceth) some for burdens, some for food. Eat of that which Allah hath bestowed upon you, and follow not the footsteps of the devil."
The devil is a vegetarian. Kill and eat lots of animals so you won't be like him. 6:142
Allah commanded the angels to worship Adam. They all did except for Iblis. 7:11
Adam and his nameles wife (Eve?) didn't know they were naked until they ate from the tree. 7:22

