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A retired gentleman
A retired gentleman went to Social Welfare Office to apply for the Old Age Pension. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." he said.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Old Age Pension application.
When he returned home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Welfare office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have got the Disability Pension, too."
A retired gentleman went to Social Welfare Office to apply for the Old Age Pension. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." he said.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Old Age Pension application.
When he returned home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Welfare office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have got the Disability Pension, too."
Child's Prayer
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
UDURAWANA JOKES
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Udurawana : 13th October
Which year?
Udurawana : EVERY YEAR
============ ========= ========= =========
Manager asked Udurawana at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Udurawana replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
============ ========= ========= =========
After returning back from a foreign trip, Udurawana asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Udurawana : In London a lady asked me "Are you a foreigner?"
============ ========= ========= =========
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Udurawana "Any great man born in this village???"
Udurawana : no sir, only small Babies!!!
============ ========= ========= =========
In the university, lecturer asked to write a note on "Buddha Jayanthi"
So Udurawana writes, "Buddha was born in India & was a great Philosopher , but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
============ ========= ========= =========
Udurawana was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly Udurawana said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
============ ========= ========= =========
On a political rally Udurawana was arrested.
Why???
A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it..
============ ========= ========= =========
When Udurawana was traveling with his wife in a three wheeler , the driver adjusted mirror.
Udurawana shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
============ ========= ========= =========
Interviewer:just imagine your in 3 rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Udurawana : its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Udurawana : 13th October
Which year?
Udurawana : EVERY YEAR
============ ========= ========= =========
Manager asked Udurawana at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Udurawana replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
============ ========= ========= =========
After returning back from a foreign trip, Udurawana asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Udurawana : In London a lady asked me "Are you a foreigner?"
============ ========= ========= =========
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Udurawana "Any great man born in this village???"
Udurawana : no sir, only small Babies!!!
============ ========= ========= =========
In the university, lecturer asked to write a note on "Buddha Jayanthi"
So Udurawana writes, "Buddha was born in India & was a great Philosopher , but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
============ ========= ========= =========
Udurawana was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly Udurawana said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
============ ========= ========= =========
On a political rally Udurawana was arrested.
Why???
A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it..
============ ========= ========= =========
When Udurawana was traveling with his wife in a three wheeler , the driver adjusted mirror.
Udurawana shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
============ ========= ========= =========
Interviewer:just imagine your in 3 rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Udurawana : its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
