White sandy beaches at Negombo, awesome sunsets, joyful tourists, delicious food, luxury rooms but somewhere something has gone wrong. All those make me sick, they all bring me back to the terrible days of darkness and awaken the deepest fears within me. When i revisit the very same spots i have been two years before, i see myself sitting there walking, talking on the phone in disbelief, desperation and tears in my eyes. But still i like going there, infact i choose to go there because that is all what there is left for me.